After posting last week's blog, "King of my heart" I seemed to struggle because I thought that I might have talked in a way that sounds like great Christianese (you know our own Christian language where sometimes we say things that sound so easy but are actually really hard! You know like you're going through a very serious case and someone says "Just Trust the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding" and what you would like to do is punch them in the face and say something like "ya buddy! Why don't you try going through what I'm going through!" I mean maybe you don't think like that but I sometimes do! #dontjudgeme)

The truth is allowing God to be the king of our heart is really REALLY hard! It can be scary especially if we have some misconceptions of God in our heart. For instance- what if we had an earthly father who left at a crucial time in our life. Or what if we told someone our darkest dirtiest secret and they turned on us and hurt us.

So we take those experiences and expect God to leave us when He sees what's really in our hearts.

What if God wants to work on an area of our heart that really hurts and He asks us to do something that seems impossible like forgive the person that caused the pain (even if that someone is ourselves)?

What if our hurt isn't because of someone per say but what if we prayed for something and it didn't happen? Like we prayed for someone to get healed and instead we ended up having to say "see you later".

What if we cried out to God and in return, we felt silence?

Life circumstances can make it hard to fully allow God to be king of our heart. I get that. I can relate.

I have to remind myself who God is outside of my circumstances. See God's goodness is not based on how I perceive him to be good, God is good no matter my circumstances. Unfortunately, we live in a fallen world which allows for bad things to happen but those things do not change the goodness of our God.

The truth is allowing God to be "King of My Heart" is a journey. Some days it's easy and other days it's really hard.

Allowing God to have full reign will require vulnerability. It will require trust. It will require honesty- with yourself, your safe friends but most importantly with God.

So I want to say to you, I'm sorry! I'm sorry if you have had something happen to you that has caused you to walk on eggshells in the presence of God. I'm sorry if I made it sound as though what you are facing isn't hard or a big deal and it's easy to allow God to be King of your heart. I know it's not easy and although I don't know what exactly is holding you up, I know what tries to hold me up so I can relate. I want to ask you, though; will you join me in the journey of allowing him to reign in our hearts?

The truth is God is for you. He is never going to let you go. His love will never let go of you no matter what. You are His child and He is proud to call you His! He isn't ashamed of you! He will never leave you or forsake you! He wants to pull you close and hold you. He wants to heal your heart. Bring you peace, joy, love, hope, patience or whatever it is that you need. Our God is big enough to meet you right where you are.

So friend, with all christianese aside, just honest conversation, knowing that He is for us and we can trust Him with our hearts no matter the condition, I have a question to ask you...

Would you be brave, take the leap of faith and start the journey of allowing Him to be King of your heart?

Kate (19 months) & Adde (3 years old) at the Texas State Fair!

Currently, one of my favorite worship songs is King of My Heart by Sarah McMillan. The other morning, I was getting ready for the day when this song came on. While I was lost in singing along, I felt the Lord ask me "Am I the king of your heart?" I immediately thought "well of course you are!" ... but as the day went on, I couldn’t get this question out of my head… I realized that often times I say He is king of my heart and want him to be king of my heart but I don't always allow him to rule in my heart.

I have feelings and emotions that come from my heart that show me that he, in fact, is not ruling in my heart. For instance, my husband walks into the bathroom where I am getting ready for our date night and he walks right back out without saying anything. Immediately, my heart due to insecurity feeds my thoughts to think he doesn't like what I'm wearing. He hasn't attracted to me anymore. I knew this extra weight I have put on bothered him. I better start working out. And so forth... and by the time I walk out to go on our date, I have lost my excitement and maybe even my desire to go.

So after beating myself up, I walk out feeling ugly and unwanted. The truth of the moment was he just wanted to get back out to the living room to finish watching the football game. Can I say that God was the king of my heart and ruling in that moment? Or did my insecurity take precedence? Because I didn't allow God to rule in my heart in that moment, I ruined my date night with my husband because I fed myself lies and created tension that never should have been there.

I believe that sometimes we feed ourselves lies that steal from our opportunities.

So today as I worship, I am reminded that letting God be the King of my heart is not just a one-time decision but a daily decision and maybe even an in the moment decision. And by allowing him to be king of my heart, I am allowing him full access to rule. If there is a place in my heart that has started to get cobwebs and dusty and He wants to work there, well He has that authority because I have chosen to give it to him.

I truly believe one of the most loving things God did for us was give us a free will. He is not a forceful God. He is a loving, gentle, patient God. And he only wants to clean those places in our heart to bring us freedom and healing!

I don't know about you but a freshly cleaned home makes me want to do somersaults and invite everyone over to see my clean house. Now I might want to invite everyone over because my house is rarely that clean and I feel it should be acknowledged and enjoyed. Also, it might be because I am fully aware that it will be destroyed as soon as my #minicircus wakes up!

I think the same will happen when we allow God to clean our heart! It will feel so good. We will want to tell the world about it, so they can experience the freedom and life that we have found.

Another worship song that I have been listening to along the same lines as this one is called “With Us” by Hillsong. A part of the song says “You reign in our hearts, You reign above all, Be lifted on High.” This has become my prayer that God would be King of my heart and reign in my heart! I have come to learn in all the junk going on in our world and even all that happens in my #minicircus I need Him to be King of my heart and to reign completely in order for me to make it through each and every day. So my daily and sometimes several times a day is “Lord, will you be King of my heart? Would you have full reign and rule over what comes in and goes out? Clean where needs to be cleaned. Heals what needs to be healed. Have your way in my heart. Amen”

Today, would you allow God to rule and reign in your heart? Is He King of your heart?